At the Risk of Being Misunderstood . . .

At the risk of being misunderstood, I want to share with all who come to this page what the Amazing and Indescribable Lord Jesus has been doing in my life.

He has been healing me!

Five years ago, I drove myself to insanity in my search for perfection. Perfection is an idol for me. I want to glorify God. I want to serve others. And I don't want to mess it up.

What God has shown me is His Sovereignty. I cannot possibly mess up His glory and the perfect work HE is doing in my life.

We have been having a 40 day tent revival here in Dallas. It ended May 18th. May 17th we began praying for 10 days. Praying and waiting. What's wonderful is that we've been praying and waiting together. I had wished that my church family would join me, but what I'm seeing is that it only takes a remnant to bring revival to masses of people.

Tuesday night, Michael Thigpen, a wonderful preacher with dark skin ;), prayed over me. He prayed that I would see myself as Jesus sees me and that I would accept it.

What a wonderful thought!!! As I drove around that night (Charla called it my moving prayer closet, which tickled me funny last night as I was driving around with half my closet in my trunk as I was on my way to housesit), the Lord took me back to an incident that happened when I was six years old. I was bit by a mean, abused dog. But that wasn't what he took me back too. There was a mean, abused little girl at the same house who bit me with her words. We were visiting her family for the weekend (and I cannot even recall their names). She and I were outside playing. I'm sure I was being my normal silly self - bordering on obnoxious (or gregarious, whatever). She suddenly stopped dancing or whatever we were doing and said, "You know - I don't like you. I'm just playing with you because I have to."

I just shrugged. What do you say to that? I just shrugged and you could say that I've been shrugging for 22 years. What God said to me on Tuesday night was that it was okay to be hurt by that. That was not a nice thing that happened. I didn't have to pretend that it didn't hurt my feelings. She didn't like me and she didn't know me. How could she decide that?

I wept. I wept and wept and sobbed and felt God telling me that He saw me as that sweet little six year old - most beautiful and delightful.

I am accepting it. It's a hard thing to accept - God's grace and calling in your life. But how wonderful the blessings when we simply accept and say YES, LORD, not me or my work or will but THINE be done.

Revival in Dallas

There is currently a 40 day tent revival occuring in the heart of downtown Dallas. It happens to be right smack in the middle of the theological heart (ie it's between Dallas Theological Seminary and The Criswell College, my alma mater).

It's heart rendering. They're calling for lives 100% surrendered to the will of God. Everytime I go I'm rejuvenated and revived.

Then I go home and I attempt to keep that same enthusiasm in all aspects of my day. Some days (like today) I end up staying in my pjs all day and alternating between going back to bed and watching reruns of Cosby and It's a Different World (that happens to be the pick of choice for today). Other days, I sense God's presence in all aspects of my day. I pray nearly without ceasing. I do not question what my next thought, word, deed should be - I just dance from place to place enjoying the thoughts of my precious savior.

Nevertheless, God is no less part of my day today as He is other days. He still remains Sovereign and Supreme and in control.

I think frivolity and rest are vital to being a sane person. We can take ourselves too seriously. Yet, where is the balance? Is there too much fun? I desire for even my fun and frivolity to be centered around the Lord.