Faith, Following Christ, and True Joy

The following is something I posted on a different, dead blog last summer. I thought it was interesting in light of the contemplations of what faith really is. I am currently reading a John Piper book. Christian Hedonism at it's best. What's struck me is that my pursuit - even my pursuit is by God's grace. It is not just the obtaining of joy and grace and faith, but it is the perfecting process. Sometimes I have duh moments. I love to quote Hebrews 12:2 to myself to remind me of where my eyes should be - Let us fix our eyes on the author and perfector of our faith . . . . or it is God's grace that is now opening my eyes to the fullness of this verse.

Irregardless, I hope the following is interesting regarding the journey and process - - - only 9 months ago, I was barely holding on by a tiny string . . .(or was I?)

I was struck with this thought as I was driving who knows where the other day . . oh, I can remember my exact location as I had this thought. I was going under the myriad of bridges on Beckley returning "home" from taking my brother to work listening to the "Calvary Hour" on am radio on 7 or 8 hundred something.

I was contemplating my relationship with the good Lord Jesus.

I thought to myself how selfish my pursuit of Christ really is. I really don't want to spend eternity in hell separated from Christ but sometimes I feel that that is the only tiny string left between me and faith. So I wondered if that was enough. Would only having that little string attaching me to faith really be enough to merit entrance into heaven. SO I returned in my head to Jesus' words. Our most quoted verse - John 3:16 . . that those who believe in Him might not perish but have everlasting life. Well, I believe. I believe He is the son of God. But is that still really enough?

I come from such a mixed background. Growing up that was enough. We didn't regularly attend church (though we did listen to sermons more than once or even twice a week). Bible college that began to not be enough . . . of course, consider the setting.

Even still though, Faith to me always begs the question of works. I love James - - "Show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works." (2:18) If my faith isn't producing good works, do I really have faith at all?

If I die, and I find out it wasn't enough or if I didn't quite make the grade, and I have to spend eternity without Christ . . . . I will feel like Paul Giamatti's character in "Lady in the Water" . . . . I will weep as if my heart has broken and could never be put back together. Just the thought, conjured up a depth of emotion I rarely feel. That's when I realized it's not enough . . . .

And yet, at the moment, it's all I have.